Gringos in Panama Classified

Backpacker Gringo:
Easily identified by: Backpack, unwashed hair, smell
Where to find them: Casco Viejo, beaches, Bocas del Toro
We like them because: The backpacker gringo is all about respecting local customs, they try to speak a little bit of Spanish, and they generally just want to get along with everyone.
We hate them because: They tend to smell pretty bad.
Common Phrases: “Panama is cool, but not as cool as Asia.” “Have you seen the waves at “Veneo?”

Tourist Gringo:
Easily identified by: Khaki shorts, Hawaiian shirt, fanny pack, and sunburn.
Where to find them: Marriot, Isla Grande, Bocas del Toro, and Coronado
We like them because: They are here, enjoying our country, spending their money, and experiencing what we live every day.
We hate them because: Everybody assumes that we are tourists too and try to raise the prices on us.
Common Phrases: “Wow, there is so much culture here!” “Only $20 for a cab ride? Awesome!”

Banking Gringo:
Easily identified by: Briefcase, sunglasses, and first class plane ticket.
Where to find them: Area Bancaria
We like them because: They are in and out. We hardly notice they are here.
We hate them because: Very unfriendly.
Common Phrases: “Will the US government know I own the corporation? ” “I don´t want my name on anything.”

Business Gringo:
Easily identified by: Long sleeved shirt halfway rolled up, stonewashed jeans, gold chain.
Where to find them: They are found in all corners of the country.
We like them because: These are the entrepreneurs of Panama. They are here to make the easy dollar, and help the rest of us with our transition into living here.
We hate them because: They are full of crap. There is no such thing as an easy dollar in Panama.
Common Phrases: “I should make $150,000 this year.” “Can I borrow a hundred dollars until next week?”

Scam Artist Gringo:
Easily identified by: Smooth talking, great storytelling abilities, and passport with lots of stamps.
Where to find them: Anywhere that has one or more foreigners.
We like them because: They are so gosh darn nice.
We hate them because: They are the scum of the earth.
Common Phrases: “Wow, I feel the same way!” “….and I´ll take care of the rest.”

Retired Gringo Subcategories:
Of course we know that most of the gringos in Panama are the retired type, so I went ahead and gave them their own category.

Adventurous Old Gringo:
Easily identified by: Unusual optimism, pictures of them on their website in the Rockies or Europe.
Where to find them: Bocas del Toro, Chiriqui, El Valle, Panama City, Coronado.
We like them because: They are living the dream in Panama.
We hate them because: They are living the dream in Panama, and everyone is jealous. Plus, we are worried that they will eventually hurt themselves.
Common Phrases: “Check out these photos from last weekend.” “Next weekend we are going to the interior.”

Internet Troll Gringo:
Easily identified by: creative username, such as”oldgringoinpanam a”
Where to find them: Yahoo groups
We like them because: They let us in on certain things we should watch out for.
We hate them because: They paint Panama as Baghdad West.
Common Phrases: “Don´t be surprised if you get mugged, raped, kidnapped, scammed, taken for a fool, put on TV, get swine flu, get a bad deal, get screwed, get taken for, etc. etc. etc….” “Told ya so!”

Old Geezer Gringo:
Easily identified by: Inability to speak Spanish. Complaints.
Where to find them: Boquete, Chitre, Chorerra, and the city.
We like them because: They are old, and have every right to complain.
We hate them because: They are old, and do nothing but complain.
Common Phrases: “HEY!” I want ________!” “This stupid girl doesn´t speak English.”

Old Pervert Gringo:
Easily identified by: Two hookers at their side.
Where to find them: Any casino in Panama…
We like them because: They only bother the ladies.
We hate them because: They are perverts.
Common Phrases: “My money has nothing to do with it,” “I can find you a nice girl.”

Yes, I know I haven´t covered all of the types. If you think I have overlooked you please feel free to add yourself to the mix. I look forward to your replies.

Stolen from a post by jerintate on the Yahoo Group: americans_in_panama

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