Winning Words

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1.Cashtration(n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2.Ignoranus : A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

3.Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4.Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5.Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6.Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8.Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

9.Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10.Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11.Karmageddon : It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

12.Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13.Glibido : All talk and no action.

14.Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15.Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve
accidentally walked through a spider web.

16.Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast
out.

17.Caterpallor ( n.): The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

My favorites are 2, 5 and 14.